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these are the pages i have torn out.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|04:11 pm] |
trying to write a 15 page paper on ephemera. i'm up from a 1.5 page outline to a 3 page outline. that's single spaced. i have to turn it in double. that, 2 exams and 2 weeks are all that stand between me and the end of this awful autumn.
drama has broken out over a thanksgiving potluck josh and i are hosting in our tiny home. making me loathe the people i know here. making me want my favorite holiday to just go away. distracting me from the ~9 pages left.
i need a drink. not here though. and my wallet is currently MIA. i always lose my phone, but you can call a phone.
down in the dumps. why does that always lead me here.
it's a cloudy 58 degrees farenheit, which is about as novembery as it gets here. i want to move so badly, but i don't know if i'm cut out for anywhere else. josh likes austin a lot. i do too, really. but i need to get done with school, make new friends, remember myself. then life here or anywhere else will be good. i think. i've got a year left.
excited for:
2 weeks in nashville
new years with my 2 favorite girls
new bike
winter reading
louisville eating
oh ephemera. it doesn't even make sense to put you down on paper. you're just going to blow away. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|08:02 pm] |
down down down i sink and so the lj entries come.
i've never been good at dealing with stress but through the end of college and my empty louisville year i've come to manage my anxiety with activity and creative endeavors. but now there is no time and only guilt in distractions anyway. so its school and anger, school and depression, school and tired, love josh, happy dinner and tv, and then back down the rabbit hole to the very unwonderful world of work. i want to be healthy. i want to create projects for myself and make lists of the good things. but it isn't allowed. how fucked is that? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|09:02 pm] |
still overwhelmingly lonesome and sad sometimes.
would like a time machine set to fall 2011. school over. (successful) job search over. new life and home established somewhere with fall temps and colors.
even december 6, 2009 would help.
let me know when it's ready. thanks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2009|04:17 pm] |
happy thursday!
the woman i share my office with left early today and i will hardly have to see tomorrow. i don't mind her, but it's nice to be alone. just work. my leftovers were bad so i bought myself a nice little sandwich. i'm almost at the end of a big stage of my grant project. heading home (well, the library) in t-minus 9 minutes.
the semester's been bringing me down. really down. really it and i have both been down from the start. about a month and a half. but i am determined to work like crazy the next two weeks and to be happy in my accomplishments and not stressed. no stress.
black lips tomororow. bike prom tomorrow. birthday party tomorrow. josh birthday fun soon. halloween costume in the works.
come on october. i'm ready for you to get good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|09:41 pm] |
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guys, i think the internet is broken. i can't find anything to cheer me up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2009|04:33 pm] |
the project i am working on in my new job was started by someone else. a very competent and pleasant someone else, but someone else nevertheless. someone else who did not tie up a lot of loose ends.
archives are made navigable by finding aids, inventories of what each archive in the archives contains. my predecessor left one location in the finding aid as "????." i now have to look in every box to try and figure out what the fuck he was thinking. note: this particular set of papers is housed in 96 bankers boxes. note: these boxes are stored offsite and take a week to order in. note: i can order only 4 boxes a week. awesome.
BUT, it's not so bad.
i went to pilates and then got on an eliptical machine this afternoon to make my burger pennance while watching law and order. as i walked home it was my first friday afternoon on campus in a long long while. i was not and am never happy to dodge undergrads BUT the almost-weekend excitement was palpable. the black lips came on my stoneage ipod. the rain had made the temperature drop below 85. a maintenance guy met me at the door to install a peephole, so after a year in this stupid apartment we can finally stop cowering behind the couch when someone knocks. i showered and now my hair smells great. it's going to rain again and i'm going to curl up with the boy i love to watch a movie. FRIDAY!
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 27th, 2009|07:08 pm] |
like my dear friend james i got a job upgrade today and i feel so good. for the past month, since finding out my current position is getting cut, i have been freaking out desperately begging for oppurtunities. and now, i am called upon to fill the most prestigious position i applied for. it's a real job. a real archivist's job. well, you know, half of one. for 6 months. and how much time do i have left in school? 3 semesters?
FUCK. YES. |
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| august in austin |
[Aug. 21st, 2009|10:33 pm] |
watching seven up, reveling in liverpool accents and wishing we didn't have to get older.
mashing up pumpkin for birthday muffins.
sweating and sweating and still getting used to the sweating.
getting offered the job i don't want to have to take.
tucking in shirts.
switching into classes and buying used textbooks.
turning 24. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2009|09:12 pm] |
i thought conferences would be fun. turns out they are one big panic attack. i still have 2 days left to feel incompetent/awkward.
what am i doing? wasn't grad school supposed to fix this?
one last thing. take note society of american archivists: do not let current students attend panels about the state of the profession where you throw out the statistic that there is one job for every three graduates. NOT HELPFUL. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2009|10:05 am] |
I feel I should clarify.
1. I'm a grad student, and thus only work half-time. Pretty sure you don't get unemployment for that. 2. I'm not technically being fired, but my hours are being cut so drastically, I really have no choice but to leave. 3. My job is pretty great, as far as jobs go, and great archival part-time jobs are a. rare and b. very competitive. 4. I already was pretty bummed to leave DC and get back to school and heat, BUT now I'm pissed on top of being unexcited.
Nevertheless, I thank you for your kind words. I just felt like I was getting more sympathy than I deserved. But it is pretty absurd when the economy is hitting the academic/history sector.
In other news, it's my last day in DC. And while I'm really sad to be leaving this great city and my old and new friends, I'm pretty excited to see josh's face at the airiport, eat a fricano's veggie sandwich, watch the baxter on my own couch, and sleep in my own soft sheets. In the meantime, today will be an adventure. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2009|11:25 pm] |
guess who's being let go when she gets home?
woo! economy! glad i spent my summer not learning valuable job skills. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2009|11:17 pm] |
i left my phone on a rooftop friday night when i was out. of. it. tonight, james found it. and it works. and yes, it rained this weekend.
suddenly, life is magical. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|10:22 pm] |
10 days left in dc. i don't know what to do with myself.
i'm trying not to eat copious amounts of peanut butter and to walk more. to sleep more. to spend less. these are not dc things, just things.
to do before august 1:
- wear new green dress
- check out more embassies
- jazz in the sculpture garden friday
- work potluck friday
- tangysweet with cousin
- pack/clean
boooring. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|12:37 am] |
i really really like it here. why don't i live here?
less than a month left in dc... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|12:24 am] |
"Life is just so perfect in the movies. I kind of hate it."
i love my friend caitlin. i wish i was shooting off fireworks with her right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|03:11 am] |
fuck you six feet under finale. fuck time and age and all of it. fuck questions older than time.
we're all going to die. sometime. anytime. fact. but no less sad because of its boring, trite omni-presence.
i don't know if i'll ever see someone i love again. and it hurts. i watch my parents and i don't ever want to be in their shoes. but i will. and it will be even worse, because they're all i have, my whole familiy. to be old, to be obsolete and losing your body, your mind--today it's all i can think about. family, love and life becoming memories that recede further and further.
i believe in something bigger than me, something bigger than all of us. but tonight, this morning, i hate that something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
today something wonderful happened. i saw a boot.
a knee high with a giant cut down the middle from dr. mudd. it lay in the hands of someone else, standing in a warehouse, 6 inches from my nose. this boot that carried a spur that caught a flag that made an actor land off-balance on a stage. flag and spur and boot and hoster and gun all right there.
i remember why i am doing this. my heart still thumps. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|10:17 pm] |
the new plan: dessert for dinner, all day every day. all day. except when there's curry around. or fantastic free leftovers. or empanandas. or cupcakes. or breakfast.
presenting my new one-woman-play - "nonsense" OR "i have a stomach for a brain." |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2009|09:34 pm] |
pit stop in charleston, wv: estate sale of all my grandmother's belongings.
i now have a vintage 60s blender, a giant oscar de la renta scarf and glasses etched with the initials of james poe robinson.
never again will i set foot on that deep green carpet. i wish i could throw the whole house, cracked foundation and all, in the back of my truck to haul to austin. but i don't have a truck and i'm not going home. so a blender will have to do. and another chapter closes. too often these days. onward and upward. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2009|02:41 pm] |
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creating terrible MARC records and conversing with myself about how i'm always torn between seeing the world and staying close to friends/family/my own backyard.
suddenly realizing i do neither. mediocre waste.
tonight i'm eating fried squash and friday is the thermals again and satuday i jet to tennessee. then onward up and upward to d.c. but really, i'd rather be spending the summer in chicago. or michigan. or mexico city. near friends or great adventure instead of a slide scanner.
(it's really not so bad. i'm ready to trek the district streets alone. hang out with some coolpeanutbutter.) |
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